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“No! I won’t! I know you’re in pain. I know you don’t feel like you’re worth it, but you’re worth a hell of a lot more than I am.” My voice still sounded like I’d been punched in the throat and there were tears streaming from my eyes. I still held her with my eyes, daring her to tell me otherwise. If I couldn’t help her, then I didn’t feel like there was any helping me. Whatever had happened to her, I was a murderer. I could feel the blood on my hands, I couldn’t see it, but it was there. I couldn’t wash that stain away, but if I couldn’t help her, I thought I might actually go mad from this.“Don’t say that,” she begged me. “You’re not a bad person. What you did wasn’t evil, she was. Don’t you EVER forget that! She was going to kill your family. What else could you have done?”“I DON’T KNOW!!!” I screamed in anguish, my face contorted in torment. “Everyone wants to know that! If I’m so smart, I SHOULD KNOW! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN WHAT TO DO!” I was shaking and so was she. I couldn’t go on. You once asked me if I’ve ever been in love with a woman. Well, it’s happened between us, at least as far as I am concerned. Do you feel that way about me?”“It’s obvious, isn’t it? I get jealous as hell when you are with other women. And you were the first person I called with the good news. It may seem strange to fall for a guy who fucks you for money, but I think I ought to accept love in whatever form it takes. Life without love is pretty damn empty.”“I’m willing to commit to not dating other women and not asking you to pay me any money. But we ought to realize that things could change in the future. Can we agree now that either one of us will be able to call the relationship off, without any crap about assigning fault?”After a long pause, she said, “That’s fine with me, with one small change. I want to keep paying you money for what you do for me. That may sound strange, but I find that the thought of paying for sex excites me. It’s a form of dominance, I suppose – I like the.
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